Returning to blogging for Blogtober has been a light bulb moment for me. I realise that despite all my optimism about posting every day, just putting pressure on myself to perform doesn’t work. In fact, it has the opposite effect entirely.
I’ve not made any secret of the fact that I have suffered from M.E./C.F.S. for many years. However, I’ve been shy of discussing mental health, especially my own mental health. But pretending to be someone I’m not, constantly feeling that I have to make everyone else feel better by not acknowledging what is going on in my own head is not healthy, or helpful.
I dread people thinking I’m looking for sympathy but soldiering on and trying to live up to expectations just makes a slide back down the black hole inevitable. And the expectations are all mine as well!
So today I’m taking things a step at a time. When I look back at old posts, I see I spent a lot of time walking. When Higgins was younger, we’d go off for long treks. I was really in touch with nature and the changing seasons. These days Higgins is pretty lazy, and fussy about being too hot, too cold, too wet…he’s a grumpy old man now, I can’t believe he’s thirteen! And since the lockdown I have struggled not to be, not quite agoraphobic, but finding it difficult to leave the house.
The last few days have been a struggle. I know I have to change something; I can’t rely on anyone else to do it for me. So, instead of trying to behave as if I’m in a position to reduce my meds, I’ve upped them to what they ought to be, and already feel brighter and more positive.
The sun is shining today, and I’ve been for a walk. I’ve taken photographs. I came home with a pocket full of autumn leaves. Baby steps. I’m not feeling pointless.
I’ll keep on blogging but I’m taking my foot off the gas…I shall cruise! There will be knitting and crochet and everything else, and hopefully your support, my lovely readers. I wouldn’t be here without you…thank you.
See you soon xxx
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You are not alone dear Penny – there are lots of people out here who feel in a very similar way – do try to get outside if you can as it will help but that’s me talking to myself too! Exchange your old dog for my old man and we’re in the same boat ! Still, it’s lovely to hear from you whenever you can x enjoy the rest of the day dear Penny x
Thank you, dear Mary, lovely to hear from you too x
Penny, for us in this house, the pandemic changed so much for extended time — we settled in now going out needs much thought and admittedly dread. So much of what used to be important is not actually — don’t think it will ever be the same as it once was. Along with pandemic we all aged — maybe I’m lazy? I do think about that .. but not much. 🙂
Just go at your own pace, doing the things you want to do. We all seem to spend so much time trying to please others and neglecting ourselves. Be more Higgins – he’s not grumpy he just wants to do his own thing and he looks pretty happy in the above photo! I think covid and the lockdown made us all stop and think about what’s really important and how much we can do without (although the internet turned out rather useful)
Penny I am so with you and times have not been easy. The old soldier on does not always work so trying to be kind to ourselves has helped me a little. More than happy to just see you here when able and oh do love seeing Higgins. Faithful follower from when he first arrived ??
Step by step dear Penny !
All your post are so sweet to me, even tough they are rare.
Be yourself, make what you want.
That’s such a lovely thing to say, thank you.
Hell Wendy, lovely to see you here, thank you for your kind words. Higgins is a bit of an old man now, but he still rules the roost!
Yes, I think we have all changed since the pandemic. We took so much for granted about life before it happened.