So hard to write, but Higgins didn’t come home. Scans showed his little body was full of tumours and we had to make the dreadful, but only decision to put him out of pain. We held him in our arms as he slipped away and it was so very, very hard.
There is an aching void in the house, a massive hole left by a very small dog.
Thank you all for the lovely messages, thoughts and prayers. I know he had lots of followers and fans who will miss him. Looking back over the blog I’ve found so many pictures, right back to September 2009 when he first arrived and turned our lives upside down.
He was the best boy, my little mate. Always there, especially if there was the possibility of cheese! I don’t quite know how to go on without him at the moment…
I will be back, I’m not quite sure when, I know you’ll understand.
All thoughts of creativity have been put on hold today, Higgins is in hospital. As yet we don’t know what we are facing but we would be so grateful for thoughts and positive vibes for our little mate. He’s brought such joy to us over the last thirteen and a half years, we’re not ready to lose him yet.
Like many other people, I suspect, I am emerging shuffling and blinking into the light out of the the fog of the last two weeks. Not Covid, thank goodness but this dreadful, horrendous cold which has been doing the rounds, which developed into bronchitis. I’m still coughing and wheezing, but this week I am pleased to report I think I shall live, unlike my frame of mind over Christmas and beyond!
Little sparks of joy in the garden
I feel being so ill has focused my mind because I am feeling a lot more determined to put my creativity front and central to my life. It’s taken a long time to allow myself to step away from the ‘Magic Mummy’ role I assumed for myself. My children are grown up with children of their own, for heaven’s sake. Why do I expect myself to find an answer to all their problems when they aren’t asking me to? Why do I then beat myself up because I can’t? And the heap of metaphorical baggage which I have carted around for years and years has meant I’ve let this feeling of being responsible for everyone weigh me down to the point where my own wants and needs became irrelevant.
No one know how much time any of us have left, so it’s up to us all the make the most of every day. It’s so easy to be overwhelmed by the news, every day another problem or disaster, the cost of living, the climate… All we can do is fight our own little corner, be kind and find joy in the little things.
So, I’m kick starting things with the fabulous book which I bought a day or so ago and which I’ve already read from cover to cover.
Well worth looking out for if you are in a similar position to me, it’s like having a hand to hold! Rachael Taylor’s writing is down to earth and accessible. Buying the book means I have access to a Facebook group so I shall have like minded people to keep me motivated.
One thing I have struggled with is picking up the threads now that Planet Penny as a business is no more. I made the decision to close given the way things were changing after Brexit, and I know it was the right thing to do. Then the pandemic and lockdown did for the very successful local needlefelt workshops I had just started running. So I think something in the stars was telling me to stop!
I have to lose the mindset of failure. It happened to me, not because of me. Planet Penny was my brainchild, I made it happen and it worked. It was a success. And now it’s time for something completely different.
You might have guessed this is somewhat of a pep talk to myself, but I think I shall be sharing my thought processes much more as I try to build on my intentions.
I would be really interested to hear if any of what I have said resonates with you. Is the ‘Magic Mummy’ role a generational thing? I certainly remember that I was brought up that way and despite being the despair of my poor mum with my arty, emotional ways, it rubbed off!
I can’t believe how quickly the month has flown by. Compared to a lot of people I’ve been seeing out on social media who have been blogging daily, I’ve been pretty rubbish! But I’m actually counting my efforts as a personal success. I’m getting back the blogging mindset, and it’s lovely to have contact with people in this way. I’ve been digging around in the archives, very dusty and cobwebby with a lot of mice scurrying around!
So, I’ve decided to celebrate by sharing the mouse patterns today. The crochet mice pattern is the one which started me off as a business, over ten years ago. A complete fluke, but I ran with it!
At the time I had a shock when it was discovered by an American craft site and 7,500 copies of the pattern were downloaded for free in one day! After that I put it on my online shop. But since I don’t have the shop anymore, I’d still like to share the pattern, so here it is.
And by popular demand I later created a knitted version so the knitters among you can have their own mice as well…
I really hope you enjoy them. Although I can no longer supply the cotton yarn there seems to be a lot of rainbow packs available online these days. I wonder, did I start a trend?! When I was hunting for yarn thirteen years ago it was impossible to find all the colours I wanted from one brand, which is why I ended up finding a European supplier and starting my own business. There are lots of colours available from Love Crafts and also Hobbii to name just two.
I’d really love to know if you use the patterns to create your own multicolour mischief of mice, they make great stocking fillers!
As the days grow shorter, and the clocks go back I am revisiting this pattern from 2015. I loved this sweater and wore it to death so I think it’s time to make myself another one. It might be unseasonably mild just at the moment but I’m sure it won’t be long before we need to wrap up warmly.
This crochet sweater is inspired by a Frank & Olive Crochet pattern. However, I had different yarn, I was making a different size, I wanted a different neck and longer sleeves and so I had to basically make it up as I went along!
The yarn I used for this version was Merino Blend Aran super wash wool by King Cole in a gorgeous shade of Aubergine, bought from the Wool Warehouse. Sadly, this seems to have been discontinued, but a quick search has revealed a gorgeous selection of different colours, and tweedy mixes. I have no idea how I will choose!
Also, looking at it I might try an alternative stitch. In fact, it might end up being a completely different sweater altogether, but that’s the joy of freewheeling with your crochet hook!
So there isn’t a pattern as such, but if you would like a crib sheet of how I worked it out I’m very happy to share so please let me know if you are interested.
detail – side slits
It’s exactly what I need for cold winter days in the studio, and there’s just about room for Higgins too!
Returning to blogging for Blogtober has been a light bulb moment for me. I realise that despite all my optimism about posting every day, just putting pressure on myself to perform doesn’t work. In fact, it has the opposite effect entirely.
I’ve not made any secret of the fact that I have suffered from M.E./C.F.S. for many years. However, I’ve been shy of discussing mental health, especially my own mental health. But pretending to be someone I’m not, constantly feeling that I have to make everyone else feel better by not acknowledging what is going on in my own head is not healthy, or helpful.
I dread people thinking I’m looking for sympathy but soldiering on and trying to live up to expectations just makes a slide back down the black hole inevitable. And the expectations are all mine as well!
So today I’m taking things a step at a time. When I look back at old posts, I see I spent a lot of time walking. When Higgins was younger, we’d go off for long treks. I was really in touch with nature and the changing seasons. These days Higgins is pretty lazy, and fussy about being too hot, too cold, too wet…he’s a grumpy old man now, I can’t believe he’s thirteen! And since the lockdown I have struggled not to be, not quite agoraphobic, but finding it difficult to leave the house.
The last few days have been a struggle. I know I have to change something; I can’t rely on anyone else to do it for me. So, instead of trying to behave as if I’m in a position to reduce my meds, I’ve upped them to what they ought to be, and already feel brighter and more positive.
The sun is shining today, and I’ve been for a walk. I’ve taken photographs. I came home with a pocket full of autumn leaves. Baby steps. I’m not feeling pointless.
I’ll keep on blogging but I’m taking my foot off the gas…I shall cruise! There will be knitting and crochet and everything else, and hopefully your support, my lovely readers. I wouldn’t be here without you…thank you.
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